So I find out that you got hurt. As in physically hurt. Never has it crossed my mind that it can happen. And that it could happen to you. Its nothing major. Sure, thats what I’m sure you’ll tell me. But the thing is, you won’t tell me. The truth is, you probably don’t even think I know about your injury. Why? It’s because you seem to cut almost every communication I have with you. Well sure, it’s helping me to forgot you, which is the very last thing I ever want to do.
And it’s almost your birthday. How do I wish you an awesome one? You gave me a birthday like no other. And I would love to do anything to return the favor.
And you’re almost leaving. How do I say good bye? Do I even have to balls to? Doubt it. Imagine now, you just have an injuried knee here back home. But who knows what will happen when you leave? Something worse, maybe? I pray to God that nothing like that would every happen to you.
We came from talking every day to hardly even hearing from each other at all. It’s as if you already left. I seriously don’t know what to do. And it sucks.
Well fuck you, it’s got nothing on mine. My mom practically kicked my ass out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend until I was 10 was the asshole next door who was always beating the shit out of me and telling me I wasn’t worth shit. It’s not even like I had a choice, the town fucking had like 9 people living in it, I shit you not. My entire adolescence was just moving around from place to place trying to get along with people who didn’t even want me.
You think that’s the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his thirties or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick, she was flat as a pancake sure, but damn she was a total nymph. She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet.
But dear God, the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know those types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other’s sentences? Yeah, they were fucking creepers, and they had this cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were. I swear the thing would never shut the fuck up.
Like I said, I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time.
The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.
I have a cut on the tip of my tongue. My inflamed taste buds seem to be healing. Now more than ever, I can’t properly eat, drink, or even talk. This sucks big time. FML. And what sucks even more, is that I’m thinking like a fat ass. I want me some fresh cut sushi with a bowl of cool miso soup. Pepperoni pizza with a tall glass of cold Dr. Pepper. A McDonald’s big mac with large fries and a cup of cookies-n-cream McFlurry. Wendy’s caesers salad and a small chili. Lasagna and buffalo wings with meatball sauce from Little Caesers. A gigantic scoop of French vanilla with brownies from Cold Stone Creamery. Crispy KFC chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. A plate full of saucy spaghetti and mouth watering meatballs. OH. MY. GOD. I obviously can think like a damn fat ass but sadly, I can’t eat like one right now! Geezus!
You find yourself stuck in traffic. Motorists around you are repeatedly honking their horns and are trying to swerve their way in and out. You look out your window. You are not stuck in LA traffic or in New York City. Here, the taxis are not yellow and the buildings are not as tall as the Twin Towers. The taxis here are white and are sometimes mini vans. The buildings here are dull color and are scattered with advertisements or with open windows that lack proper air-conditioning. You notice J-walkers, most of young age, zigzagging their way across the busy street. If you’re lucky, you are startled with a knock on your window. Outside your window is a girl carrying a baby with sadness all over her dusty face. Your taxi driver taps his window twice and the girl walks away. Suddenly the traffic clears and you are now exposed to the rest of the city. Here, is where your mother, her mother, and her mother’s mother call home.
Here, you wake up to a maid knocking at your bedroom door. Over there, you wake up an extra ten minutes after your alarm goes off. Here, you walk to a breakfast table that caters a variety of foods. Over there, you make yourself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. Here, you sometimes are not allowed to speak when shopping to avoid a rise in sale price. Over there, you speak loud freely as if you own the place. Here, the high school graduates pursue a career as a nurse or an engineer. Over there, the high school graduates pursue a career as musicians, actors, teachers, graphic designers, or even lawyers. Here, is an island of islands. Over there, is a smaller island. Both islands are home, but very different with each other.
Never would you think of a home so unfamiliar. You are unfamiliar with the streets and the buildings. You are unfamiliar with the history and you just know bits of the culture. Luckily, you are familiar with pieces of the language and the food. The local shopping malls are filled with familiar rides and snacks. Nonetheless, you don’t feel at home.
You live in a gated community, housing a few families like yours. These few families are occasionally here on vacation like you are now. You would occasionally see front yards with tropical colorful gardens like those you would see over there. Here, the houses are built almost side to side. Every house has a gate and your street goes one way. You can’t hear the busy traffic that passes by outside the community gates. Actually, you almost hear nothing at all. To ignore the silence, you go on a walk. A rock on your path catches your eye and you kick it as you go along. Once in a while you would look up and admire the different colors around the neighborhood. One house is orange, another is bright red, and across the apple and pumpkin house, are a blueberry and a pink pansy house. You make a left from the Barbie house and continue down the street while still kicking the rock you found. Behind you, you hear a distant wimp of a motor that seems to be coming closer to you. As you turn to look, you see two teenage boys, just around your age, drive pass you on a scooter. Curious, you follow the boys.
You now find yourself in the community’s center. The boys park the scooter and take part in a game of street basketball, very familiar here, just as it is over there. To your left, you hear a faint drum roll, which crescendos into a short pause, then voices of school kids singing bayan magiliw, perlas ng silangana. Alab ng puso, sa dibdib mo’y buhay. You know the first few lyrics of the national anthem, but are shameful to not know the rest, even more so, the meaning of its lyrics. You remain still for the remainder of the anthem. Then silence. The school kids rush pass you to enjoy their day’s activities, while you remain still staring at the Philippines flag. Over there, you pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Over there, you are a citizen under the Star-Spangled Banner. Here, you are a descendant under the golden sun and three stars. Here, is where you are from, but over there is where you call home.
I was thinking too much of how life “used to be”, so I decided to take a look at old pictures. And to find these pictures, I had to take a peak at my myspace page lol. I smiled at the pictures and of course some made me sad and whatever. Just reminiscing about the good times and the bad. So yeah. I saved a few pictures and some at total random and some just because I thought they looked cool, yeah random whatever, anyways my point is I’ll be posting them up. So I guess I’ll (try to) take a break from posting up random pictures of random and cool and awesome stuff, and hold back on reblogging stuff. Yeaaah. So yeah. I’ll be posting a few old pictures in my next posts.
In this episode, their dad leaves in the morning before breakfast to run errands then unfortunately gets into an accident. This really sends thoughts through my mind. It makes me question if I’ve honestly said all what I need to say to someone. If I’ve spent all the time I need to spend with someone. Or even if I’ve unselfishly thanked someone for being in my life. No one knows when its their time to go. No one knows what God has planned for them or how it’ll effect everyone they know. We go through life thinking that it goes on. It surely does but everything can change in a blink of an eye. Waste no time with the ones you love.
Like seriously? I’m sure most of you have a few online friends of younger ages. I do. I didn’t wanna come out as a dick and decline them. Anyways, there’s this girl who’s like idk 7th grade or whatever. We’re “friends” on facebook. Lol quotation marks on “friends”. Anyways, she posted this picture of herself and commented it saying something like “I WAS SO YOUNG!!!!!” Really? Uhm you ARE STILL young. I found it funny and a bit annoying. These kids shouldn’t be on facebook. Please stick with your Myspace or Xanga or whatever. Srsly man.
I was almost late to my 12:30 class and so I was backing up from my garage. I had the radio turned on and I was reversing slow. Then half way out of the drive way, I see this cat on front of me limping. OMG I still feel terrible. I didn’t know it was under the car, apparently taking a nap or something. Poor thing had trouble getting up. One the saddest things I’ve ever seen. Freak man, way to start my Monday.
Right now, I’m watching channel 37 and Destination Truth is at Chuuk exploring Truk Lagoon, which btw is making me want to go scuba diving even more. Anyways, they’re saying that soldiers who passed on during WWII are still fighting the war. Even more interesting is that the sunken trucks in the lagoon seem to make sounds as if they’re still running, which is pretty bizarre. AND TONIGHT at 9, Destination Truth is premiering an a new episode about Guam. So we shall see what they can find out about our island’s early ancestors - the taotaomona.
How can some of the shortest words have the most meaning?
Love. Hate. Hug. Kiss. Hurt. Pain. Sex. Lie.
I didn’t mean to LOVE you and then HATE myself for it. I didn’t mean to HUG you and have you KISS me back. I didn’t mean to HURT you and cause PAIN for myself. And the thing I regret the most - I didn’t mean to have SEX with you. But you know everything I just said is a LIE.
Because here’s the truth: I HATE you. It HURT to HUG you. And it caused me PAIN to KISS you, knowing that I had SEX with you all because I believed your LIE, when you told me the shortest words that have the most meaning - I LOVE YOU.
I need a haircut. New shoes, a jacket, and a hat. An iTouch would be nice too. Also a new camera. Oh and a new laptop, preferably a Mac notebook. Also a mini laptop. I need a new lip ring. A new bottle of cologne. I need a messenger bag for school. A new car. Always wanted a jeep, but to have the Edward Cullen car would be badass too. I need new contacts in different shades to match my moods. I need a shopping spree. A new set of clothes would be lovely. I need braces. I need a new pair of badass glasses. And new shades. Different kinds and brands and colors. I need markers. I need paint and brushes. I need frames. I need a work out. I need to even out my tan. I need all this and a bit more. But if it’s one less thing I really need is that I need you.